Jin Li Frick
I was accused of being judgmental yesterday in front of a few others, and my resulting emotions ranged from hurt to disappointment to insecurity to anger. My victim energy was coming through fast and furious.
While I can go into various reasons as to why this individual felt judged and why I felt that I had not judged her, that is beside the point. What I ultimately learned about myself was how I reacted to it. As I replayed the range of emotions I felt, I could feel defensiveness rising, then feelings of being wronged, disbelief, and embarrassment. Briefly, I thought why does this keep happening to me. I hurtled back in time to my past insecurities about being misunderstood and being labeled as "unapproachable". A lot of people in my corporate life had misinterpreted my intentions, even when they were meant to be the best of intentions.
At the time, I tried to place myself in this individual's shoes, but unfortunately, I was unsuccessful in re-framing the situation. I still felt unjustly accused and defensive. I wanted to either collapse into myself or come out charging. And, while I expressed regret for having offended the person, I felt compelled to explain myself and justify where I was coming from. I wonder what the best route for me would have been? Listen and say nothing? Listen and explain? I was a bit at a lost so I kind of did a little of everything.
As a result I continued to perseverate over it for the rest of the day yesterday and into today. In examining why I had difficulty letting go I realized that my GAILs (Gremlins, Assumptions, Interpretations and Limiting Beliefs) were coming through for me as a result of this interaction. Thoughts of "I'm not good enough", "This really proves that I shouldn't share my thoughts", "Why didn't I know what to do? I won't ever be a good coach" swirled in my head. I was being reactive and allowed my negative thoughts to take over and steal my power. I became small.
The event was insignificant in the grand scheme of things, and was merely the result of two individuals having a different approach to life and how we face our GAILs. I realize I still have a lot to learn and a lot of growing to do. This incident was simply a part of my journey and life's lessons. So thank you for that experience!
While I can go into various reasons as to why this individual felt judged and why I felt that I had not judged her, that is beside the point. What I ultimately learned about myself was how I reacted to it. As I replayed the range of emotions I felt, I could feel defensiveness rising, then feelings of being wronged, disbelief, and embarrassment. Briefly, I thought why does this keep happening to me. I hurtled back in time to my past insecurities about being misunderstood and being labeled as "unapproachable". A lot of people in my corporate life had misinterpreted my intentions, even when they were meant to be the best of intentions.
At the time, I tried to place myself in this individual's shoes, but unfortunately, I was unsuccessful in re-framing the situation. I still felt unjustly accused and defensive. I wanted to either collapse into myself or come out charging. And, while I expressed regret for having offended the person, I felt compelled to explain myself and justify where I was coming from. I wonder what the best route for me would have been? Listen and say nothing? Listen and explain? I was a bit at a lost so I kind of did a little of everything.
As a result I continued to perseverate over it for the rest of the day yesterday and into today. In examining why I had difficulty letting go I realized that my GAILs (Gremlins, Assumptions, Interpretations and Limiting Beliefs) were coming through for me as a result of this interaction. Thoughts of "I'm not good enough", "This really proves that I shouldn't share my thoughts", "Why didn't I know what to do? I won't ever be a good coach" swirled in my head. I was being reactive and allowed my negative thoughts to take over and steal my power. I became small.
The event was insignificant in the grand scheme of things, and was merely the result of two individuals having a different approach to life and how we face our GAILs. I realize I still have a lot to learn and a lot of growing to do. This incident was simply a part of my journey and life's lessons. So thank you for that experience!
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