Jin Li Frick
I've had a lot of discussions recently about how to handle relationships that are negative or conflict-filled, whether at work or in your personal life.
Negative relationships are not easy. They are draining, leave you feeling like you are a victim to someone else, or raise feelings of anger or resentment. What you need to ask yourself is how important is this relationship to you and what you would like to do about it.
There are 5 things to consider about a negative relationship.
Remaining a victim to a negative relationship includes accepting a feeling of loss of control, powerlessness, uncontrolled anger, grief and depression. The danger of of this is a reduction in our positive outlook and can be extremely draining to our energy. We spend a lot of time dealing with negative emotions and eventually that can take a toll on our health and well-being.
If you choose to change a relationship, you recognize that you can take proactive action with the relationship or some aspect of the relationship in order to remain in it and benefit from it. This requires a change in your strategy for the relationship by releasing and reconciling differences, developing coping mechanisms, and shifting how you come into the relationship. Begin by identifying common values and seeing if the other party is willing to change as well.
Rather than changing the relationship with actions and new behaviors, a relationship can also be changed by modifying and shifting your perspective of it. Essentially, you are putting on a different pair of "lenses" and seeing the other person from a new vantage point. Ask yourself what qualities you appreciate about the other person and how can you stay connected to the appreciation of these qualities.
If you choose to accept the relationship, you are choosing to suspend judgment, stress and burden associated with the relationship. You accept it just as it is, and recognize that it is okay as it currently stands. From this position you are choosing to be at peace and there is no need for further action.
Finally, if you realize that you no longer like the relationship, and you cannot or will not remain in it, that you cannot change the way you look at it, or accept it, then the only course to take is to leave the relationship. If you choose to do this, then respect the other person and yourself as human beings and that sometimes our chemistries are simply incompatible. There is no right or wrong, good or bad, and no further judgment is required. Your next action is to simply remove the relationship from your life.
Are there relationships in your life that you find challenging, difficult, and drains you? You are at 'choice' with every relationship in your life. Choose wisely.
Negative relationships are not easy. They are draining, leave you feeling like you are a victim to someone else, or raise feelings of anger or resentment. What you need to ask yourself is how important is this relationship to you and what you would like to do about it.
There are 5 things to consider about a negative relationship.
- Remain a victim to it
- Change it
- Change your perspective of it
- Accept it
- Leave it
Remaining a victim to a negative relationship includes accepting a feeling of loss of control, powerlessness, uncontrolled anger, grief and depression. The danger of of this is a reduction in our positive outlook and can be extremely draining to our energy. We spend a lot of time dealing with negative emotions and eventually that can take a toll on our health and well-being.
If you choose to change a relationship, you recognize that you can take proactive action with the relationship or some aspect of the relationship in order to remain in it and benefit from it. This requires a change in your strategy for the relationship by releasing and reconciling differences, developing coping mechanisms, and shifting how you come into the relationship. Begin by identifying common values and seeing if the other party is willing to change as well.
Rather than changing the relationship with actions and new behaviors, a relationship can also be changed by modifying and shifting your perspective of it. Essentially, you are putting on a different pair of "lenses" and seeing the other person from a new vantage point. Ask yourself what qualities you appreciate about the other person and how can you stay connected to the appreciation of these qualities.
If you choose to accept the relationship, you are choosing to suspend judgment, stress and burden associated with the relationship. You accept it just as it is, and recognize that it is okay as it currently stands. From this position you are choosing to be at peace and there is no need for further action.
Finally, if you realize that you no longer like the relationship, and you cannot or will not remain in it, that you cannot change the way you look at it, or accept it, then the only course to take is to leave the relationship. If you choose to do this, then respect the other person and yourself as human beings and that sometimes our chemistries are simply incompatible. There is no right or wrong, good or bad, and no further judgment is required. Your next action is to simply remove the relationship from your life.
Are there relationships in your life that you find challenging, difficult, and drains you? You are at 'choice' with every relationship in your life. Choose wisely.
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