Jin Li Frick
Many of us spend a lifetime telling ourselves "I'm not good enough." We seek approval and validation from others, driven by self-doubt, lack of self-confidence and low self-esteem. We don't trust in ourselves, our decisions or our abilities. We experience anxiety when we don't receive external validation, and frequently become depressed by our perceived lack of accomplishment. We actively participate in negative self-talk, further perpetuating our belief that we aren't good enough. And everything that happens is further proof as to why we have fallen short in every aspect of our lives. When we do receive the validation and praise that we crave, it only causes us to push ourselves even more because our elation is temporary, fleeting as our negativity takes over again. Like a drug we yearn for more praise and validation, and we wonder if we are fakes, if it was just luck. Anxiety increases and self-doubt persists. It's never good enough.
Many of us, especially women, are taught from the time we are born that we have already failed - we need to drive ourselves to be better, to be everything to everyone, and to measure ourselves by an ill-defined standard called 'perfection.' And if we aren't living up to society's expectations then we are inadequate and we should be shamed or punished. But the only person that shames or punishes us is ourselves.
Being aware of your negative self-talk is the first step towards recognizing that you are not defined by your achievements alone, by how many people praise or validate you, or by what people say about you. The reality is that for every praise you receive someone out there will have an opposite belief - that is the law of human nature and rightly or wrongly, we all judge each other. Recognizing that these are simply the opinions and beliefs of others based on their own standards, their own journey and experiences, and that opinions and beliefs do not reflect the truth is the first step towards stopping the cycle of negative self-talk and your need to chase perfection. Truth exists regardless of belief or consensus. And the truth is you are just where you need to be.
Take the first step by celebrating where you are today. Acknowledge your journey and recognize the milestones you have reached (big and small). We are all on our own journey and you are exactly where you need to be. Accept what it is and where you're at, and celebrate YOU.
Many of us, especially women, are taught from the time we are born that we have already failed - we need to drive ourselves to be better, to be everything to everyone, and to measure ourselves by an ill-defined standard called 'perfection.' And if we aren't living up to society's expectations then we are inadequate and we should be shamed or punished. But the only person that shames or punishes us is ourselves.
Being aware of your negative self-talk is the first step towards recognizing that you are not defined by your achievements alone, by how many people praise or validate you, or by what people say about you. The reality is that for every praise you receive someone out there will have an opposite belief - that is the law of human nature and rightly or wrongly, we all judge each other. Recognizing that these are simply the opinions and beliefs of others based on their own standards, their own journey and experiences, and that opinions and beliefs do not reflect the truth is the first step towards stopping the cycle of negative self-talk and your need to chase perfection. Truth exists regardless of belief or consensus. And the truth is you are just where you need to be.
Take the first step by celebrating where you are today. Acknowledge your journey and recognize the milestones you have reached (big and small). We are all on our own journey and you are exactly where you need to be. Accept what it is and where you're at, and celebrate YOU.
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